i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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