you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
