Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We are all done wearing pants today
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
