I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
