Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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