The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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