Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Your dad touched me again.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
