I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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