i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
