marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
