last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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