He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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