Already got asked if we're dating
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
