The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
