yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
