no, he came in my armpit
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
