hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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