Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
