1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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