I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
