I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
