I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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