My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
