i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
