I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
