Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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