Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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