so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
