What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
