The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
