i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
