I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
