WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
