the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
zippers are such a cool invention
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
