that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
