Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
