that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
