dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
