i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
