Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
