How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
