home. puking in laundry basket.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
