One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
