after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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