Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
