i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
