So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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