he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He passed out mid-signature
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
