alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
