AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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