OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
