you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
