i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
