My first STD was from a foam party
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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